Physical Books

Oh how the digital age has made me long for the days of my dogged eared favorites.  You know the ones where the binding was cracked to open to the best part of the story, so you could reread it over and over.

First of all I was not a "reader" until I reached adult life.  I will be honest, I was a painfully slow reader who did not find any fiction interesting.  I could not jump into their world, and if there were strange names of places, planets, or beings I just got lost on if it was a who or a what (flashback 1978 I tried to read Star Wars after seeing the film.)  I was probably the only kid in elementary school who checked out Laura Ingles Wilder books and never opened them.  It was just what everyone else was checking out, so I followed along.  Yes, book reports were torture!

As an adult I read more now than I ever did as a kid. In my mind, I do not read any faster now.  But now my reading is purpose filled and often much deeper on non fiction topics that are highly interesting to me. They foster my brain turning concepts over and synthesizing ideas while doing the mundane tasks like folding laundry for a family of 4.

Today I was visiting with a coworker and I referenced a great book I have on the topic we were discussing. That is when it hit me. The digital age of books has made our relationship with them less. As I was expounding on the subject at hand and giving examples of techniques the author wrote about, I realized I did not know who the author was or for certain the title of said book.  This is where I noticed the relationship dissolving.

Back in the day I would get a book and take it with me everywhere I went.  It went to lunch with me, it sat in car pool line at school, waiting for practices to be over with and so on.  I saw the cover art, it spent time with me in the front seat of my car.  I frequently would have crumbs or the receipt from lunch tucked in the flap or being used to hold my place until I could come back.  The back cover or book jacket would show me a photo of the author.  I really knew what I was reading.

Some times a book had purpose and I can remember where I was physically when I read it, or which layer I was on in my life journey when that was the book I spent my time reading.  Now, my books are often digital.  I subscribe to a weekly email that prompts me of books that may interest me for the great low price of $1.99 or less.  So much of what is on my devices are just stock piled for leisure reads.  Regardless of the device a kindle, an i pad, or the computer screen, the screen and the progression are the same.  The sketch drawing at the beginning of a chapter often is not there. Flipping back to look at the table of contents is a series of clicks and no longer placing your palm on the paper pages to leaf back to the beginning to check on that which you just connected to an earlier happening event of the story.  What about consulting the map at the beginning of the book!

Our 3rd grader has devoured the Harry Potter series.  Roughly November or early December she started reading and as of today began book 6.  That is a hunger I only had for a few series that fortunately, by the time I found them the author had a dozen or more for me to enjoy with rapid fire pace.  One of those examples had 21 or so books and I read it in all formats available. Hard bound, paper back, digital, and audio.  Each filling a certain purpose if I was driving 10 hours I sought out a audio version to accompany me.  If it was just released I read it hard bound.  Find a friend who had 4-8 in her living room, take them as you need the next one, paperback is great!

So here I sit in the digital age, wishing I could remember if I kept that book that I referred to this morning.  I last read it in college.  Early 1990s.  Wow, there are a handful of books that I move with me every where I go.  This could have been one of those. I did use it as the basis of my end of the year paper for TIA-270, it left that much of an impression on me.  Alas, it is not on the book shelve in our bedroom.  That is where my most treasured reside.  Could it be in a box in the garage?  I will obsess over it for awhile. After four clicks I discover Amazon can deliver it in any of 4 formats by Saturday, but digital download is not one of them. (hardcover, paperback, CD, or audible).

Next time the antiquarian show sets up I may be inclined to go rekindle the relationship with the tangible, touchable book, they certainly do hold a place in the world.

About 40 hours until Halloween.

Mixed bag of Skittles and M&Ms or
Life is Like a Box of Chocolates, you never know what you will get.
So who do you want to be?  What does dressing up as something or someone else really say about where you are in the world or where do you want to be?

Let's look at my family members.

The oldest "ELSA" well yes, she is the first born. Desires to be queen, has very special powers that we still can not fully understand or harness.  Our family refers to it as everyone's brain works differently.  She is strong and powerful, knows she is special, but sometimes she can freeze you out without a moment's hesitation.  Our girl is young at heart and still innocent enough to want to be Elsa and not a zombie like her peers (or worse in mom's eyes the dead Disney princesses).

The youngest "NERD GIRL" Yup, that sums her up nicely.  She embraces it, celebrates her passion for science and takes this holiday as yet another opportunity to remind the world what fuels her fire.  She will proudly carry a binder filled with science papers and a laminated copy of the Periodic Table of Elements.  Her purple T-shirt is as Punny as she is - Ah! the Element of surprise!  She cracks up each and every time she says it.  That is how she rolls.  There is no princess there, no dress, no pink.  And yet, that alone does not define her, she loves the school chorus and is eager for her solo in the church Christmas play.  Plays minecraft daily, and has her crew of peeps over to collaborate on new worlds and taps their resources and knowledge for things she did not know how to do.

I am going to be Vanelleope von Schweetz from the Wreck It Ralph movie.  Mmmm, why?  Well, it did seem easy to assemble.  But seriously, why?  As I have been assembling and painting and plotting and scheming this costume, this keeps rolling around in my brain. What is her story and how is it like my story.  Here comes the layer.  Vanellope lives in a video game called Sugar Rush as a race car driver who is a glitch.    She basically gets kicked out of racing because of her difference and in her heart she knows that she can do it, just needs the chance to do it.   So where is the parallel?

<Back Story> I was born about 30 hours after Halloween and given up for adoption.  Halloween has always been another time of the year to wonder about things.  Prior to meeting my bio-mom, I would spend a lot of emotional energy in an around this holiday wondering if  someone else out there in the world was sitting around thinking about similar things on this holiday.  Later found out she went into labor on Halloween evening late.   So am I the glitch?  There is another part to this story that I am not privy to have knowledge of.   Consider it a tri-pod, and I have only 2 parts of the story, but like in the movie there are other supporting characters.  Ralph, Fix it Felix Jr., even Qbert makes an appearance. Can't quite figure out how it all ties in, but the crux of it is, I have to trust.  Trust that what I am supposed to know, I will, in due time.  That some things are none of my business.  That someday all things will be made new, relationships healed and the shame of old secrets won't sting to reveal. Perhaps, one day I will get to learn some 1st hand information on bio-dad or maybe I won't.  The urgency will ebb and flow over the years as it does, there are days in which the unknowns loudly fill the silences, and then there will be months and months that I don't give it a second thought.

Youngest and I have an evening tradition called "F.G.H."  Each evening we take turns with one thing we Forgive, then we each say something we are Grateful for and finally we share a Hope.

Let me close with my own FGH on this, "F - forgive"  I forgive those who don't see value in the individual who helped make me. "G-Grateful"  I am so grateful for this life, this chance to make a difference and to be a parent, partner and creative being.  "H-Hope" I hope that in my years on this earth that I can keep perspective on where I have been and where I am going.   One of my favorite sayings of all time is this "Our lives are God's gift to us, how we choose to live that life, is our gift back to God!"

Carpe Diem!  

*Footnote: Hubby does not dress up for Halloween in 30 years or more.
There is more there, but he can write his own story!

And the next layer is . . .

NEW Chapter!  So first of all today marks the new school year!  We have 2 very excited and happy children which means 2 very happy and excited parents.  We are positively optimistic about the teachers that each daughter has for the year and hope to make big strides academically this year.

Just home from my last Orthopaedic Surgeon's appointment.  Since April 24th when I fantastically broke my radius bone off and dislocated my ulna, I have had a plate and screws and done 20 apts. of hand therapy.  Today the surgeon told me that he is "very impressed and I am cleared to fully resume life!"  My bike is at the shop, and next week when I pick it up I will begin again on the greenway in pursuit of exercise, fresh air, and solitude with my thoughts.

Lastly, there is a push on this journey to increase my earnings to pay for medical bills (and new tires) so I am trying to buckle down and "sew to sell"  I have a T-shirt quilt that I have been commissioned to create for a fellow Mommy friend, and have begun sewing seasonal items like table runners for fall and football season.  Need to set a date for my Tupperware open house and sell some of my samples at greatly reduced prices.

My last layer at this moment is eager anticipation of getting back to work on the farm. Lucky Ladd will use me in the fall, coming in September I will be weekends in the concession stand and week days with the field trip kids, looking forward to fall on the farm -- it really helps me to not miss Michigan so much in the fall, feels like the best of fall in Michigan can be found right here, without the worry of snow and frost on the pumpkin!  Memories of Halloween costumes with winter coats on under neath them!

Layers - lots of things going on, but together they blend to form the greatest gift - my sweet life!

Sometimes life tosses one to you that you didn't see coming.  Sick day with a 7 year old.  Not all bad, I generally don't complain about them because they happen about once every 18 months.  Gives us some one-on-one time, an excuse for extra cuddles and to talk about whatever she wants to talk about -- insights!
We got a RX to get filled, went to Kroger -- Mom thinks double fuel points!  Ahh, but it was the first Wednesday of the month at 9am.  That translates into Senior Free Breakfast and get your month's worth of perscriptions filled.  We wandered around waiting, but ultimately gave up went for coffee and a donut and hit the pharmacy drive thru later.  They win, the elderly, those with failing bodies and minds, looking at me and my little girl walking around the grocery store thinking, I remember when.
This journey we're on, sometimes we are the little girl, sometimes the mom, and eventually the senior citizen.  That's what we get if we are lucky, all the layers -- and 50 bonus gas points!

Layers cut

Layers cut . . .  Happy March 1st!  Today I am happy to report I sent off emails to 2 companies that run the support services for my At-Home Direct Selling Business and said I no longer require their services!  That move cuts $15.95 a month in expenses, and leaves me with only $7.95 a month in monthly "open for business" fees on my web-site.  Yeah Me!

So the layer of the day -- think like Culver's Flavor of the Day, or at Church the Hymn of the Day, Sesame Street's Letter of the Day . . . today's layer is Healthy Eating.
Ugh, that sounds dreadful.
Just back for the yearly appointment with the Doctor (who I genuinely like) and we have come to the place in our relationship where we don't toss RXs at conditions and label the conditions but we have adult discussions about the BIG picture.  So we talked about the BIG picture and broke it into daily choices. 
So we all know that I am as human as they come, and as soon as I make a resolution not to do something again, it pretty much becomes the object of my fixation.  That is not powerful for me in positive ways.  There is no success in I WILL do (insert blah blah here) and then instantly proving that I CAN NOT obstain from whatever the vice is.

I require a different, and for me, better approach.
Been thinking about this for a few days since Lent and Fat Tuesday are approaching. NOT Catholic any more but there are a few times that I revert to that which was pounded into my young brain, conversations at the doctors office and sitting the the safe spot during Tornado Warnings reciting the rosary. The rest of my days are happy in the Lutheran world of "by the Grace of God".

Tis wiser to make a 'better' choice today, than to over indulge in donuts, ice cream or mocha lattes because who's going to stop me or say out loud to me "no you can't have that!" ?

SIGH, I am going to TRY and eat one fruit and one vegetable every day of lent.

There, I said it, actually put it out into the world my intention.
Other items on the short list of to-dos is I must find a Fish Oil/Omega 3 that I don't burp back up.  Seriously tried everything on the shelf at the grocery store and had settled on Mega Reds but I would need to take 12 a day to get to 3 mg that I need, and after being on them for a year or more, I can burp them back now too.

And Then There is CARB COUNTING.  Which is a nice way of getting my husband and I on the same page, and building us up into a team effort. Our doctor is so intentional, hubby was seen the hour before I was seen, similar strategies on 2 patients living in the same house.

Sigh, ugh, I'm over it for today.  Change is stressful, and I know what I need to do, just not willing to do it right now, or think about it any longer for now.

So layers on the journey was going to be a try it and see if you like it thing for me. 
Guess I am liking it, but it makes me so much more philosophical than anything I've ever done, that part is a bit unsetteling.  The other thing that is unsetteling for me is more young people, and by that I mean "non-senior citizen types" that I am learning of passing.

When I was a kid, we'd go visit the cousins in Wisconsin once or twice a year.  Sometimes we would hang out with the other cousins, those would be cousins on the other side of my cousin's families.  I was not related, but my cousins were.  Anyway, one of those young ladies has been fighting a good fight for many years, and is about to close her chapter on this earth journey to continue it now with God.  Can't say I knew her well, my memories are she was funny when we were teens. I saw her last May at her Grandfather's funeral in Wisconsin, she was pleasant and not too willing to talk about herself, or her illness.  To read her FB page, she has been couragous and seems to never had a pity party about what life delt her.  There is much to learn by example there.

Tommorrow is Martin's memorial service, another one that left this world earlier than expected.

86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away, gotta tell 'em that you love them while you got the chance to say Gotta Live Like Your Dying.  lyric from Chris Allen

My experiences working in the funeral home taught me one lesson very loudly, with virtually every family that walked throught the doors.  You Reep What You Sew.  Whatever impression you made on people while you were here is exactly how they remember you after you pass.  The anecdote that they will tell your grieving spouse or family member is how you positively touched their lives and made an impression on them. 

Spend time intentionally layering yourself into this world in positive ways this is part of the journey.